


It's Okay ( to not be okay )

by diamondgore



Category: Generation X (Comic), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mommy Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 22:45:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16819942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diamondgore/pseuds/diamondgore
Summary: When Nate misses his shift, Phoebe immediately senses that something is wrong.





	It's Okay ( to not be okay )

**Author's Note:**

> Me: let's work on one of our projects :)  
> also me: Phoebe and Nate are WLW/MLM solidarity, we should write them. 
> 
> This fic was based on their little interactions in Generation X. Not that Nate has really been in anything otherwise.  
> Personally I think Nate would be a very good counselor, especially considering how caring he seemed to be in Gen X and how willing he was to help others.

Out of all her sisters, all of which were generally cold and unsympathetic, Phoebe was the worst offender. She very rarely went out of her way to show any kind of care for people, but today was different. 

Nathaniel Carver wasn’t with her for his shift at the Medical Bay. 

Under Hank Mccoy’s & Cecilia Reyes supervision, supplied with courses from other colleges, Phoebe was training to become a medical professional. Unlike her sisters, she wasn’t too keen on spending her entire life fighting evil villains, or superheros or whatever aliens was attacking the city, there something about helping her fellow students that attracted her more. It seemed more fulfilling, and much less painful than getting shot at in a field. 

However, due to her general apathetic and callous nature, Phoebe ended up borrowing a counselor in training to help talk some of the students through their treatments. Nurses were sparse, and almost non-existent in the school. This was despite the fact that both Cecilia and Phoebe had complained about it multiple times to the headmistress, but money could not be allocated. So, Cecilia had decided to borrow one of the counselor interns, Nate. 

A brief nursing introduction from Cecilia and a few shifts, supplemented with shifts with Phoebe, made him a regular part of the medical bay at the Jean Grey School. He still got his training hours in, he was just now helping out the sick and injured students instead of the ones who actively seeked the help in the counselor's office. Over time he began to like spending time with Phoebe, even though conversation between them was sparse, and was mostly through glances and smiles. 

It didn’t take Phoebe long to miss his presence. Nate was rarely late, and if he was he usually bombarded her with messages. Something was wrong, and she couldn’t reach him telepathically. She put the bandages she was carrying on a metal tray and walked straight into Cecilia’s office, straight faced, fixing edges of her lab coat. 

“Miss Reyes.” She said out loud to catch her attention as Cecilia was working on practicing her new stitch techniques. 

“Phoebe,” She stopped working with her hands. “How can I help you? You seem troubled.” 

“Carver.” Phoebe cracked her neck, and then continued to crack her knuckles as she spoke, holding both of her hands low so that she would not seem intimidating. “Has he told you about his absence?” 

“He’s not here today?” 

“I’m afraid not. I can look for him, though.” Phoebe frowned. “I would like to look for him, as I cannot reach him telepathically, I assume he still has his blocks in from his previous mission with Hawkins and Li. I understand we are short staffed Miss Reyes, but I would appreciate it if you let me look for him.” 

Phoebe did not want to spend an entire day with Nathaniel, feeling something akin to a pain in her wrist. Diamond hearted girls do not cry, but her suppressed worry created some sort of nuisance in her body. 

“You have an hour, then I need you back.” Cecilia still was focused on the piece of skin that she was working on. “If you hear any kind of alarm, come back to me, alright?” 

Phoebe nodded. “Of course, Miss Reyes.” She bowed to Cecilia’s back and then walked away from the office. 

She took off her lab coat and then placed it on one of the hangers in medbay before leaving. While she left the lab she pulled the hair tie in her hair out, and then began scanning the minds of her fellow students to find out anything about where Nate could have been. No one seemed to know anything, but she did get a heads up one of the students wanting to start a food fight later that evening. 

She was good with reading her surroundings, and hiding in the minds of her fellow students to find Nate, but it seemed like no one was giving her a good lead on Nate, even Benjamin Deeds, who was tied to Nate’s hip, had any idea where Nate was. Hs brain was filled with useless thoughts, and invading his brain was something useless. 

Despite being fairly good friends with Nate, considering they both preferred keeping to themselves, just a little bit out of reach, they had never really discussed what they were like outside the constraints of their training. There were a few conversations about the school and their dormitories but there wasn’t anything of substance in their conversation. Personal stuff wasn’t out of the question it was more so frowned upon in the context of their relationship.

If she had to take a guess on where Nate would’ve been, she would’ve guessed the kitchen, but there was no one there that she needed only a few people having an impromptu birthday party for someone. 

_ Nathaniel, give me a sign… I just need to make sure you’re okay.  _

The thing was: Phoebe did not have wants, she always needed to do something and not simply want it. Wanting needed an emotional connection that she didn’t not have.  _ Poor girl _ . 

He would very obviously be in the last place she would look. And that gave her the idea of looking for him in one of the rarely used libraries in the school. There were two of them, and the one in the east wing of the school, which was frequented often by the students, and the second one was in the West Wing, and was usually sparse. It had the text books and the books that usually required more than a Highschool education.

Offhand, Nate once mentioned that he enjoyed sitting there on his days off just to have his lunch all by himself or spend some time reading his notes quietly. He had to be there, or else this was all for nothing. 

It took Phoebe a short while to find herself to the West Wing. The school was big enough that people got lost on the regular, and Phoebe, despite spending an unholy amount of time with the school, had never really gone to the West Wing. It was only on rare occasions where she did find herself there and it was usually to assist Hank with transportation.

The library in the West Wing was small, and crowded with all kinds of books. Phoebe could not really make out what some of the languages printed in the books were. Some of them looked like hieroglyphics, alien languages, and generally symbols that she could not decipher. 

Phoebe never really got a chance to look at most of the books in the library. When she came here with Hank she had most of her attention on him and the way he commanded the situation . All the books seemed beyond her level, but the library was indeed quiet, you could hear a pin drop. 

She walked around the shelves of books gingerly, and then found her way to one of the big windows overlooking Central Park and the city, and lo and behold, Nate was sitting by it quietly, staring outside the window. He was dressed down, and his hair wasn’t gelled back like it usually was. There was something off about him, but Phoebe could not tell what due to the unremoved blocks inside his mind. 

He was hunched over, lacking support and looking like he was going to collapse if he was touched. Yet, despite that, Phoebe approached him and gingerly placed a hand on his shoulder. 

He wasn’t surprised considering he had heard her walking around and humming, but let out a small gasp at her touching his shoulder. He didn’t recoil like he always did.

“Nathaniel, you weren’t with me in the medbay. You didn’t even text me to inform me that you weren’t coming.” She removed her hand from his shoulder and then sat down beside him on the window sill. The wood was warm from all the sunlight it was absorbing. She sat far away from him, too scared to get into an intimate distance between him and herself. 

Nate obviously didn’t want to talk about it, but Phoebe was here. She had tracked him down to talk to him. “I wasn’t having a good day.” There was a pause as he extended his legs and they just barely touched the pleats of Phoebe’s skirt. “I forgot to tell you.”

“You obviously seem distressed.” She placed both of her hands on her skirt, her eyes were to Nate, as she massaged her painful wrist. “I know it’s not my place to ask you these things, but you don’t look well.” 

“I had a long night. I couldn’t sleep.”

“Why? You’ve never mentioned a problem with insomnia before.” 

One of the reasons that Phoebe and Nate had made a good team was because they were always on the same wavelength. A simple look, smile or nod would suffice as a means of communication. However, this time they could not decipher what the other wanted. 

“I appreciate that you’re looking out for me, but I’m not sure…” 

“I’m not a therapist, and I understand that you may not be open to telling me what’s wrong, but you have accidentally given me a peek of your private memories. I can take a guess about what’s disturbing you.” 

“You know better than anyone else, that I have anxiety.” She had seen him freeze up before, especially in presences of the younger mutants who looked like they had been abused or hurt by older figures. 

“I know you do, does your lack of sleep have anything to do with having an attack?” Phoebe said things in a vague terms, to let Nate respond vaguely. 

“Yes.” 

“Your mother?” 

“Yes.” Nate was concise, knowing that Phoebe was able to put things together in her own way. 

Phoebe frowned in her usual way, when she disapproved of things. Brows wrinkled and her lips curled downwards. “She really is a hag, from what I know about her, I don’t think you should---”

“Don’t talk about her that way.” Nate crossed his arms, tightening his grip on his arms. “I don’t think I should degrade her, she’s a terrible woman, but she’s still my mother.” 

“I can’t say I understand where you’re coming from, considering I have a Harp seal for a mother, I would do anything to tear her down. I despise her.” Phoebe’s wrist was painful again, and she gripped it tightly. “If you don’t want me to tear your mother down, I’m not sure there’s anything else I can do to help you feel better.” 

“Thank you.” Nate said, laughing. He never really understood why Phoebe hated her own mother so much, but he was happy she sympathized. “I’m sorry for not informing you that I wasn’t coming in today. But I’d rather stay for a little while by myself.” 

“It’s alright, Nathaniel, we’ll get through the day without you.” Phoebe stood up, and then walked over to Nate, and quietly pressed a kiss to the top of his head. It was the type of thing that she saw mothers do on TV, she thought maybe Nate would appreciate the gesture. “I hope that was alright, and not out of line.” 

While she was still leaned over, Nate grabbed her arms and fashioned them into a hug. He hated receiving hugs and giving them, but he and Phoebe had shared memories before. “I’ll call next time I won’t be in.” It was a way to be thankful without saying it. 

“It would be appreciated.” Phoebe tightened the hug for a moment before letting go. “By the way, Nathaniel?” She said as she began to walk away. 

“Hm?” He twisted his body around to face her.

“It’s okay to not be okay. Don’t ever consider me a stranger on days like these.” Phoebe said. Nate smiled at her, and she returned the gesture. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on [tumblr](http://diamondsynth.tumblr.com) & on [twitter](https://twitter.com/goremeat)! Thank you for reading!


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